The Captain

My friend Lindsay actually calls TGP the Admiral, but Pha left the Navy before he made flag rank.  And at the beginning of Pha's naval career, it was son of Commander going out with daughter of Captain that led to my marriage, but that's another story all together.

I realize this is supposed to be my blog and not only about my father, but I have to write about where we are today and what we are doing.  And for now, that's a lot about my father.  Mary Anne and I just returned from a quick trip to Mt. Pleasant.  We saw her folks and Tom and Millie and it was a wonderful trip.  We are now back in Pinehurst and will be for the next two weeks, as I work from "home".  I am very much looking forward to no airplane on Monday morning.

Pha is continuing to do very well.  As I said last time, his self-assessment is "strong as ox".  He's hoping I can take him to the North Caroline State Fair in the next couple of weeks.  We hear they deep fry Twinkies.


As long as Pha remains this strong, MA & I anticipate being in Lexington some.  I have a new client (whose social media policy apparently prohibits me from mentioning who they are), but that client has an office in Denver and an office in Erlanger, KY.  We're having national meetings an hour from the new house four separate weeks over the next couple of months.  The plan is to be home for those weeks.  Mary Anne is especially looking forward to having the puppies back.  And I'll have some new house pictures to post.

Anyway, back to the old man.  When I think of the Captain, I think first of a bone spur he had in the little toe of his left foot in the late 70s.  Given the technology of the day, the thing to do then was to remove the bone from his little toe.  Stop now, dear reader, and think about putting on your socks when you have no bone in your little toe.  The toe actually bends backwards as the sock slips on.

Fast forward several years.  Millstream 1.0 is behind us, and Pha has progressed from Commander to Captain.  In fact, he is CO of the Naval Hospital in Rota Spain.  Many folks got to visit him there, but in 1988, the thought of a 24 plane trip (4 flight segments) with 2 year old Eleanor was enough that my section of the Hollingsworth clan had to content ourselves with short, dollar-a-minute phone calls.  One sunny afternoon in Rota, the CO got fed up with his little toe curling back as he got dressed in the morning.  It was a slow day at the hospital, so Pha approached the surgeon on duty (probably a young 2nd lieutenant) and said:
"Son, take off my toe"
"Sir?"
"You heard me, Lieutenant.  Take off my toe!"
"Sir?"
"Son, that's an order.  Take off my toe"
So, TGP could no longer teach the grands to count to 20, only to 19.  But a legend was born.  And in an interesting later development, Grandmother also only has 9 toes, but that, also, is another story.

We're very grateful for the good times we are able to have here in Pinehurst and that Pha is in no pain.  This period of grace won't last forever, but it is a blessing while it lasts.

For those of you watching this blog for updates, I'll try to do better at posting.  I've got several good stories rattling around.  Not flying for a few weeks may give me a chance to get them out.

The lame and the halt

When Mary Anne and TGP head out together, she's the lame and he's the halt.  They even call each other that.  On Thursday, Muv and Pha and Mary Anne went to the matinee of Guys and Dolls at the Temple Theater in Sanford.  Alice would have been the youngest one there if not for MA.   One bus full of old people was full of grumpies who expected to be seated all together.  Our intrepid three theater goers had bravely staked out the end of back row, closest to the bathroom.  Since all of the grumpies had walkers or canes, there was some danger of a rumble.  Even Pha with his walker wouldn't have been able to take them.  In the end, however, everyone found their own seat and enjoyed the show very much.

Almost the whole family was here last weekend.  We celebrated Sophia's birthday.  Dunn & I were the bookends in this picture.

It was a wonderful time together.  We played games and ate a lot, with each meal of course preceded by singing the Doxology.

Dr. and Mrs. Johnson came by for dinner Friday night.  They have driven from Washington state, and made this date last April, before the health challenges become as hard as they have become.  It's another blessing for TPG & Muv to have been able to host them again.  Thanks to the Sautters and Walnut Hall farms for the wonderful steaks.

Cousin Berkley and Patti were with us for breakfast and a visit this morning.  Folks keep coming out of the woodwork and the extra family time is a great thing.  Berk had some edits on Pha's story about Dorcas's nose, but we figured it best just to let himself tell the story the way he remembers it.  After all, Pha wasn't there when the event happened, just at St. Luke's office when Dorcas came in after the accident.

As I mentioned earlier, Pha is using the walker when he is out.  Sometimes even the wheelchair.  There is a grace in him not fighting the need for that.  He continues to not have any pain, and in fact has been relatively strong this past week.  Ask him how he is and on a good day, he will say "I am strong, strong like ox."  (ed note: perhaps should be strong and stubborn like mule)  However, the shortness of breath becomes more noticeable every day.

The opportunity for a fourth and last chemo is this week, but the consensus is the pain and difficulty it will cause will not be offset by enough benefit.  That's for Pha and his oncologist to decide on Tuesday.  For today, we've got football games being recorded for watching later this afternoon and we continue with the Hollingsworth motto:

Learn to bear what must be borne.

  

Downtown New Haven Good Time and Happy Fellows Club

TGP arrived in New Haven in the fall of 1955.  As a freshman on the Old Campus, he met Rocko and Bob because they were in his entryway.  Paul was in three of his classes because the pre-meds were together in alphabetic order.
There were eight of them sophomore year, but for junior and senior year, they were six strong.  They called themselves the Downtown New Haven Good Times and Happy Fellows Club.  Apparently, they frequently led off dinner in Calhoun College by blowing the curtain rod that they turned into a horn (and later engraved with DNHGTHFC).  Toot de de toot do toot. TGP stood behind the tall guys, Ted and Paul.  They are pictured below in all of their glory, with the brass horn across their laps.

Paul (Killer) Killenburg

Horace (Rocko) Montague

Clyde Jones

D Vertrees (Holly) Hollingsworth  (I refer to him as TGP)

Ted Calhoun

Bob Laird

Pha was, of course, the "exalted blower".
Clyde was the "Immortal water closet"
Rocko was the "Imperial Banger of the Board"
There were other names, but himself can't really recall them at this point.

There were ample other adventures.  Rocko and TGP were discussing just this past weekend  who first met Louie, the white lab rat.  Rocko thought that Killer put it on TGP's desk.  TGP is confident that it was Laird's desk, because Laird was a serious studier.  Killer had "borrowed" Louie from the chem lab.  Whoever met him first, Louie became a staple for the DNHGTHFC.  Louie lived in the player piano in the living room of the suite.  Louie liked it there because it was warm, but objected strenuously whenever anyone actually played the piano.  Louie also tended to participate in the poker games that were a regular staple of the suite.
The roomies have made a nice habit, especially over the last 30 or so years, of spending some time together.  Here they are in 1982, while the first of their progeny (?could that be me?) was in New Haven.  I shared Calhoun with Killer's boy, Chris, starting my junior year.  Note the bananas are now overripe.

Jones, Laird, Killenburg, Montague, Hollingworth

There is a VHS of the 35th reunion that I hope to get converted and posted.  TGP does a lot of the talking for the class of '59.  On an interesting side note, in Pinehurst, if a VHS tape goes bad, you have to go to the porno store to get it fixed.  But, we will post what we can from that VHS tape when we can.

Fast forward to 2011.  Killenburg died suddenly last year.  Laird and Rocko made it to Pinehurst on Thursday for a last visit with TGP.  The club now includes wives, since it is hard to get everyone together.

Lifelong friendships are a precious thing.


In recalling all of this, Pha says "We thought we were the cat's pajamas".  I suspect they really were.

TGP Speaks

He's not Garbo, but I've got three good stories.


Jumping in the tobacco barn  (recorded 9/2011)

Aunt Dorcus' nose (recorded 12/2010)

The hardest day in private Practice (recorded 12/2010)

Our hole in the ground by the creek

MA & I had a quick trip back to Kentucky last weekend.  We got to see the progress on Millstream 2.0.  A picture being worth a thousand words, I won't bother with any more description than is necessary.


First, if you missed it earlier, is the final demolition of Millstream 1.0

The view from the front.  I hope to have a series from standing right here over the next few months.

The view from just outside the garage, then the view up from the creekbank toward the house (straight on and then a little left), then turning around to see the creek up close.

 The hole in the ground which will be the foundation.

I think it is telling that I picked the picture of me swinging on the creek when I started this blog a few years ago.  I'm looking forward to moving back home.

Pha Status Update Labor Day 2011

It’s somehow hard for me to write these days.  I had hoped a three day weekend would bring me a muse, or something.  But here it is Monday and I’m just sitting down with the laptop.  I will admit to a little encouragement because I stumbled across a comment from the Teddy Shapou's grandson's wife on my favorite post from April '09. Like a cook enjoys watching people eat, a writer really enjoys folks reading their words. At least I will get out a status report on Pha for those of you that are interested in how it is going here in Pinehurst.

I put TGP's 1993 autobiography on Facebook yesterday (from this blog in Jan '09).  A little less maudlin than his posting his own obituary pre-emptively last month.  It’s a good read.
I am trying to get himself in front of iMovie to tell some stories.  I don’t think he’s up for writing at this point, but if I can coax at the right time, I think I get get some good recordings.  I’ll post them as soon as they happen if we manage that.  Caroline has a clip he did last Christmas about his sister, Dorcas.  If I can get her to post it, I’ll add a link here.

Pha is surprised when he feels weak.  Even with his heart problems and stroke 6 years ago, he still thinks of himself as never being sick.  We got to church yesterday morning, but that was about all the activity the day could afford.  We try to gauge the energy level and plan outings accordingly. His voice is strained and his balance is a challenge. But he is not in pain, has some appetite and can taste his food. Food not tasting like what it was supposed to was the worst part of the chemo for him. We watch something on Netflix or old home movies most every night after supper and relish whatever stories we get.

Sophia is coming from Charlotte to Pinehurst this weekend, as MA and I sneak back to KY for a quick visit.  We will get her started on a new MS medication, Gilenya, which is exciting in that it comes in a pill form.

The college roommates (Yale '59) will be here the next weekend.  The weekend after that, almost the entire family will be here.  We will only be missing Paul, Max and Lucy.  TGP will be up for those visits, as he was for the recent trip to Kentucky.  Without the additional inspiration, he is a little weaker each day.  It’s to be expected, but that doesn’t make it any easier on any of the four of us.
Mary Anne and I feel blessed to be able to be here and be some help, or at least a distraction.  It’s a small benefit of the 1000+ mile commute that I can spend my weekends wherever seems appropriate.  Pinehurst seems appropriate for the duration.
Muv and Pha have lots of pictures hanging on their walls and I am scanning everything I can.  Many of them have lost their color, or most of their color.  I asked cousin Rich to work on the 6 pictures from Thanksgiving 1970.  None of my generation was married yet and Wright had yet to be born, but it’s as complete a shot of the extended family as I think anyone has.  Below is Pha and his father, Denzil, in December 1940.

I also have some pictures Soph won’t want me to post of the time Muv and Pha inexplicably setup a family portrait for right after she had her wisdom teeth removed.


Hospice has been great.  I keep encouraging people to use that BEFORE they get to the very end of life.  It has relieved us all to know there won’t be fights about extraordinary measures at the end (can you imagine anything more anathema to Pha?) and they have been practical and emotional support, especially for Muv.

Keep those cards and letters coming for the folks that get mail here.  Email and text encouragement for MA and myself are also appreciated.  We may not start a lot of conversations, but we tend to respond.

 I will certainly be regular with updates as we hit any salient points going forward.


Remember:
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

LI Annos

August 15^th, 1960.  51 one years (LI Annos in Latin) ago today, Muv & Pha got married in Cadiz, KY.  As they celebrate their last anniversary, it’s easy to see that there is no way for this couple to ever have enough time together.

See below his Anniversary present to her.  The inscription is hard to read in the picture, but I typed it below.  Pha had the tray made during the Lexington visit last week and I smuggled it back to Pinehurst.  He gave it to Muv yesterday (even though they are big on doing things the day of) because she gave him a tie with horses on a Carousel that he was wearing for church Sunday morning.  They met during a UK production of Carousel, must have been summer of 58.

LI Annos

We made beautiful things together

We travelled the world

What a joy, Amen

Children, music, laughter and theater

There are lots of tears around the house, but there is also grace in having enough time to say goodbye.  Just as The Great Pha taught us how to live, he is teaching us how to die.

Mary Anne is in Pinehurst, at least for the next three weeks.  I’m flying in and out to Denver, but will be around as much as I can.

Given that the last dose of chemotherapy seemed to give Pha enough strength for the farewell tour to KY, he’s scheduled himself for another round of chemo this week.  He’s always been very good about measuring cost (both to us the taxpayer and to his comfort) versus the benefit of any therapy.  Apparently, it feels like another round of the nasty drugs is worth it.

I’ll try to write as emotions and time allow.  We welcome prayers for Pha and Muv and the whole family.

The shot below is from Soph's in Charlotte as they drove up to KY last week.

A day in the Life

Alice and Vert

Eben in utero

Spent all day with TGP and Muv in Pinehurst today.  Caroline has been here also.

We had bacon and cinnamon rolls for breakfast - the best morning meal in 51 years according to himself.  Once you're off the Zetia and not really tracking the cholesterol, menu choices can become more interesting.

We spent time together on the computer, so I know my way around things.  We spend a lot of time with old videos.  A little more recorded local news coverage than I might have chosen if I were the editor, but intermingled with some great film of Pha and his three brothers and his sister.  Also some 1991 shots of the cutest 2 & 5 year old girls you could ever hope to see.

Replaced oven range vent filters & cleared a bathroom sink.  There is a hinge that was out of stock at Lowes that will fix a kitchen cabinet; that will wait for the next trip.

All in all, I can't image how I could have spent the day any better.

TGP goes into hospice

Himself in 1959

My father, Vertrees Hollingsworth, was admitted to hospice today.  He was diagnosed with prostate cancer over a year ago and it has recently metastasized to the lungs.  Sophia, Dunn and Piel were with him over the weekend.  Caroline will be there later this week.  TPG & Alice hope to make it to Lexington in early August.   Mary Anne and Eleanor and I will visit in NC later in August.  

He's not in pain and, as always, has a great attitude.  I'm glad we can start hospice early enough for it to be a real help.  His oncologist is the Medical Director of the agency seeing him.  I've dealt with hospice professionally for a couple of decades and it is a tremendous service.

We welcome prayers from all those who know himself or any of the rest of us in the family.  It hasn't been an easy year+

Ten Days Post-Op

It's been a while since my last update.  We have been back from the hospital for over a week and Mary Anne has been getting better every day.  The weather has been nice enough that she has been out of the apartment for 3 days in a row now.


Friday was a wheelchair ride in the sun late in the day after work.  Saturday was a car ride, Mexican food and a couple of hours in a used book store.  Today was a long wheelchair ride in the sun, then two laps around the sidewalk circle with the walker outside.


We have had 5 therapy visits and a couple of visits from the nurse.  After working with home health for 20+ years, it's very enlightening to be on the receiving end of visits.  The therapist always seemed to come after  hard night and have a new technique for a transfer or stretch that made things better.  Pretty much made me glad that I have have spent much of my career supporting these folks; they certainly provide tremendous support for their patients.


Mary Anne has been doing some watercolor journaling.  

My picture doesn't do her work justice.  It's been a great release for her and provides nice decoration for the mantelpiece.


It's not clear if Mary Anne will be ready to be independent by house closing day on March 28th - I think I may do that as a quick KY round trip.  We're definitely set to be back in the bluegrass by opening weekend at Keeneland.  It will be wonderful to be back home.

Discharged!

Both of our old school Family Practice physician fathers would not approve of the large variety of doctors we have seen while we have been inpatient.  We are waiting on our third "hospitalist" to sign the last of the papers so we can get out.


The transfusion went fine last night and MA has a little more strength today.  She's sitting on the edge of the bed knitting.  I have already made 4 trips to the car (two just for flowers) and we're packed except for computers and yarn.  We've got home health orders and will have the PT, OT and nurse at the apartment periodically starting tomorrow.


Mary Anne is still having muscle spasms and some pain with movement, but it's a very different pain.  The orthopedist (surgeon's partner) says that it's par for the course and will subside as she works through the new internal arrangement of bones, etc.


All in all, we're doing well and extremely glad to be headed back to the apartment and the terriers.  Updates will be less frequent, but I'll let everyone know how the home therapy progressed.


Please know how much we have felt the prayers and the love of all of our family and friends.  As they used to say at Bartles and James, thank you for your support. 


P.S.  Update as I finish - we've gotten the last of our D/C orders and will be headed out very soon

Another night in paradise

CT scan showed no clots in the lung at all; that's good news.  The current diagnosis is post-surgical anemia.  We've just had the blood draw to cross check and get a couple of units of red packed blood cells.  Everyone says herself will feel much better after the transfusion.


Thinking towards home tomorrow, our insurance wouldn't let us pick my home care agency to come serve us, so we'll have another outfit coming to the apartment.  On the upside of the insurance, MA has new chariot.

We rented our wheelchair for the last month and bought our crutches at Walgreens, but the walker comes from the local medical supply place and is billed directly to insurance.  Mary Anne keeps talking about pimping it out.  I'll need to find some rhinestones or something once we get settled out of the hospital.


As the title says, one more night in paradise.  The dogs have someone staying with them and I'm headed out to get some supper.  Mary Anne, as usual, gets hospital room service.  We should be back at the apartment by early afternoon tomorrow.


Thanks to all for the continued prayers and support.

A minor setback

Mary Anne is getting a CT scan right now.  We've been cleared by the Physical Therapist and the Occupational Therapist.  The wound is looking fine.  However, she has an elevated heart rate and the hospitalist wants to rule out any possibility of a pulmonary embolism.  Even if there is any clotting, they will simply increase the anti-coagulant dose she is taking and probably observe for another day.


So we're slogging through.  Best case, we still get to go home later today, but if I were a betting man, I'd think we've got another night here.


Had a nice dinner out last night with our new friends the Rews, the only folks we know out here besides my work colleagues.  Time seems to stop inside hospital walls.


Probably a little rambly, and without the review I like to do, but hoping to get the word out.


Keep those prayers coming and I'll update again when I know more.

Day 2 post-surgery dawns early

Things can frequently be harder when it's dark outside.  The surgery anesthesia has fully dissipated, leaving Mary Anne pretty uncomfortable overnight.  Hospitals are lousy places for rest anyway, and the return of some leg spasms didn't make it any easier.


She's sleeping comfortably now.   She's off of all IVs and other hospital-only assists, so we remain hopeful for discharge orders soon.  If not today, tomorrow.

Every new person that comes into the room comments that the flowers are beautiful and it smells great in here.  We've also been informed that there will be chocolates back at the apartment.  There is comfort in the small things.


I have to throw in a plug for Your Best Friend's Friend.  The folks watching Scout and Sparky have been great with our last minute dog sitting needs.  If you're in Denver and need dog help, call them.


I'll post again when I know when we get to go "home"

Post Surgery Day 1

Well, it's loud in a hospital.  MA's monitors, plus those for other patients on the hall, keep it from ever getting too quiet.  Despite that, we had a good night's sleep last night.


So far today, we have seen the PT, OT and Case Manager (discharge planner).  We're getting set up for some home care therapy visits at the hospital, hopefully as early as tomorrow (Friday).  I've requested to have Centura Health at Home (my current client - they are why we are in Denver) deliver the care.  If our overly complicated American insurance system will support it, we will be my client's patient.


Mary Anne is rating her pain a 2 on the 10 point scale, which is an order of magnitude better than the 9/10 she got to before surgery yesterday.  We've heard from LOTs of friends that have been through this (or known others that have) and know to expect today/tomorrow/Saturday to be a little painful, but getting better with time.


Two weeks with only toe-touch weight bearing on the left leg, and after that more ambitious therapy.  Hopefully, she'll be walking and we'll be able to come home to KY before too long.


I think we're both headed for a short pre-lunch nap.  More tomorrow.

She has a new hip!

The surgeon just came out to say that he's finished and everything went well.  The new ball and socket went in as he had hoped and he expects a very good recovery.  Given the weakness of the bone, Mary Anne will not be weight bearing immediately, but we will give it a couple of weeks to acclimate to the new setup.  Still, her being able to toe-touch and have little or no pain will be an immense improvement.


MA is in recovery and I should get to see her in an hour and a half or so.


It's been a long day, but the 90 minute surgery is a vast improvement over the 11 hours in the surgical waiting room for TGP's heart surgery a few years ago.  I did get out and get some lunch an hour ago.


We should get a good night's sleep tonight - the first in quite a while.


Thanks to all for the prayers and concern.

Surgery begins

We finally saw the anesthesiologist and got MA some pain meds.  I guess they didn't want to do it too soon before surgery.  She was feeling much better and able to lay back on the table as they took her back to the surgery suite.  Dr. Greenhow signed her left leg (that's standard protocol to be sure they do the correct hip in the OR).  He says she should be back out in two hours, so I expect to know more by 5pm Mountain time.

Thanks to all for the prayers.

At the Hospital

We arrived at the hospital about 11:40.   The car ride was very uncomfortable.|

Found surgical waiting room.   Went back to park car.  Got registered and paid copay- very thankful for insurance.
12:25 they took MA back to get her settled and on an IV.
More later

Pre-Surgery

The first in a a series of posts today and tomorrow.  We are blessed by so many friends and family that I am sure I will leave someone out if I try to send emails or texts.  Please set up an RSS reader, or if that sounds like Greek, just check back at this blog and I'll do what I can to keep everyone in the loop.


We had every bit as rough a night as we expected.  Somehow knowing the nature of the break intensified the pain some.  Plus, after 2am, MA wasn't allowed food or liquid, so no more pain pills.  We watched a couple of movies and finally the sun came up.


Sparky is up on the couch (against the rules) but he can't stand it when MA hurts and has to have his head in her lap to comfort her.


I've packed a small bag and we're headed to the hospital about 11am Mountain Time.  Medical Center of Aurora - South Campus.  We have faith in God and in our surgeon and look forward to a great outcome.  Surgery is scheduled at 4:30 by the hospital, but the doctor's scheduler said it would be closer to 1:30.  It would be wonderful for herself to feel better before the day is out.


Thank you all for the prayers and support.

Down by the old Millstream

It's been way too long since I've written; life hasn't been overly easy lately.  More on that in future (hopefully soon) posts.

In the 1960s in rural Kentucky, houses had names instead of street numbers.  My address growing up was:
Millstream, Newtown Pike
Georgetown, KY  40324

Today, the USPS uses street numbers.  And the road I grew up on has been rerouted since 1966 when I started living there.  But, I just signed the contract and bought the land!  So, even thought we are temporarily in the wilds of Colorado, you can write down 2065 Lemons Mill Rd in your address book as our long term permanent address.
You can see the old house in this shot from the creek from 1980:

We're going to take down that house and build Mary Anne's Barbie dream house on its foundation.

Here's a winter view from the old back deck:
I will enjoy my morning coffee on a new terrace with that view before 2011 is over.


Cousin Berkley was my real estate agent for the purchase.  Kim, my architect buddy, has already drawn up preliminary house plans.  Cousin Jay is ready for demolition and building once the contract is signed.


It's amazing how life can come full circle.