And the walls come a-tumbling down

It’s interesting how little we human beings open up to each other naturally, even within families.  As you know, we lost our beloved Liza this summer and the tragedy continues to hurt.  As with all pain, we search for the silver linings, the things we know that Liza leaves with us even while we don’t get the joy of being with her directly.

Mary Anne and I spent a week with Dunn and Julie and Jordan a few weeks back.  The pain is still palpable over there.  Dunn was reading CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed, written after Jack’s wife Joy died.  CS Lewis describes losing a loved one as being like an amputation.  A grieved person may well learn to walk again, but he will always be a one legged man.

But, back to the search for a silver lining.  Dunn and I have not always been as close as we could have been.  Brothers, certainly, but not anywhere near best friends.  Growing up, I found him pesky, obnoxious and loud.  And I'm sure he found me distant, arrogant and plenty of other adjectives. But now, I long to be with him.  I enjoy the way he uses the things Uncle Hall taught him to do - the elaborateness and zeal of his household projects.  I enjoy that he gave me Cardillo sauce (from one of his employees' brother) for me to make pizza.  I enjoy watching him learn about dog training. And I am reminded that he is one of the funniest people I have ever met as well as a fabulous story teller.  He's clearly a great lawyer - I've never seen a professional community reach out to someone they truly care about like the SC Bar has around Dunn. 

Mary Anne spent the week with the three of them while I worked in Denver.  She’s always a beautiful presence.  That’s a small blessing of my travel job - I can fly to work from anywhere.

Sam the German Shepard is a ray of light in the house.

Mary Anne is the dog whisperer.  Love is a puppy chin on your foot or in your lap, and that puppy loves Julie and Dunn and Jordan.

Why do we put walls up?  I don’t know who Osho is, but he said “Love and Ego cannot exist together".  Being a Hollingsworth, I have done the ego thing very well my whole life.  ALL Hollingsworths I know have healthy egos, perhaps not easily leaving all the room we should for showing love.  Life is busy, and you never expect the tragedy of the loss of an innocent 10 year old girl.  Our priorities in an easy life aren’t always the right ones.  These horrible times have to help us find and live the right priorities.

The Dalia Lama says: "To the extent that suffering awakens our empathy and causes us to connect with others, it can serve as the basis of compassion and love."  We are all suffering now and need to find these connections.  We’re all hurt, but we all have to grow.  That’s one of Liza’s legacies for me; it's what she would want.

Dunn, my brother: I love you, Man

Elizabeth Simms Hollingsworth - my niece Liza

My sister Sophia delivered the eulogy below at the Mount Pleasant Presbyterian Church on Saturday July 10, 2010 (also TGP's 73rd birthday).  Those of you that know Sophia should imagine her voice and dance movements at the appropriate places.  It was beautiful, but as Soph said, she had great material.

Elizabeth Simms Hollingsworth

A long name for a little girl.  Liza; that fits better.  Sounds kind of quick, bright even.  That’s the essence of my Liza. 

Quick with a smile.

Quick with a joke.

Quick with a hug.

Quick to say I love you.

Cheery with her funky Chuck Taylors.

Cheery with her love of polka dots.

Cheery with her wonderful drawings.

What a wonderful gift Liza has been in my family’s life.  Absolutely the funniest kid I’ve ever met.  Watch a movie with her.  She will catch the subtle humor and, like her daddy, insert it in a conversation with perfect comedic timing.  Last summer Liza and I bought the movie Monsters Inc.  We had both seen it a million times but we wanted to see it again.  She could mimic the woman/slug thing in it…”I’m watching you Wizouski, always watching….”  Hysterical.  What Liza didn’t remember is that one of my favorite memories of her is when she was about 3 or 4 years old.  Julie, Dunn, Jordan, Liza, Mother, Father, and I met in the North Carolina mountains for a ski weekend. Liza was too young to ski so she and I had spent the day tooling around town – eating ice cream and visiting a cavern.  That evening everyone was piled in one room watching Monsters Inc.  It was around bedtime but the girls really wanted to watch the rest of the movie so the adoring adults broke curfew.  Anyway, at one point, I was lying down on the bed – head at the foot of the bed – and Liza stood in front of me – we were eye to eye.  She starts dancing around right in front of me, shaking her hands and her behind saying “Soph-Soph-Soph-Soph.”  I looked in her beautiful blue eyes and said “Liza, you need to slow down.”  So, at 3, she starts moving in slow motion, still shaking her hands and behind saying “S  O  P  H – S O P H – S O P H.”   Hysterical.  That’s her humor.  That and the 3 Stooges.  And SpongeBob. 

I was fortunate enough to take the girls to visit Piel and her family in Boston a few weeks ago.  We visited Plimouth Plantation.  While there we toured a replica of a family village of the native Americans that inhabited that area 300 odd years ago.  The staff was all native Americans, dressed in native attire, and performing the same tasks their ancestors did.  Liza and I were watching one gentleman (in loin cloth) make a canoe from a truck of a tree.  It was really cool.  This man was answering questions while he worked.  Someone asked him his name.  He said Phillip.  Liza turned to me, with her beautiful blue eyes, and said “Phillip?  Really?”  We had a huge chuckle.

A kind, gentle little girl.  Eager to try new kinds of food.  Eager to make her famous guacamole.  Always ready to go swimming, to learn how to surf, to play the guitar, to sit in her mother’s lap, to climb the mulberry tree, go fishing with her daddy, write a nice note, go on the boat with her nana and papa, put a puzzle together, beat Jordan at something, play with her great friend Olivia, listen to Chicken Heart with her grandfather, draw a picture of us, sing a song with her Grandmother.  The only kid I know that wanted a gift card to Staples for her birthday!  She stole my heart when she admitted that she really does love TAB.  My kitchen is a bright candy apple green based on a little star she made me.  She said she loved that color and thought it would look good in my kitchen.  It’s bright, it’s cheery, it makes me happy.  So much like Liza does.

I tell all my nieces that they are each my favorite niece (My favorite niece named “Jordan” or “Eleanor” or “Caroline” or “Lucy” or “Liza”).  I usually get – “you’re my favorite aunt.” Period.  Liza says “you’re my favorite aunt…named Soph.” 

I am fortunate that I got to spend some time with Liza on Saturday.  We talked about Cartooning Camp.  She loved it!  On Sunday I got to tell her I loved her.  And the best gift I’ve ever received is she told me “I love you too Soph.”  I am the luckiest person in the world.

She loved so many of us.  But mostly her sister Jordan, and her parents Dunn and Julie.  And she knew they loved her more than anything in the world. 

What a phenomenal child.  What a gift.  What a quick, cheery light in our world.  We are lucky to have gotten to spend time with her.

I will love her forever.

As will all of us that knew her.  Here are more pictures.

MS Walk 2010

Hard to believe that it’s been a whole year already since my last post about raising money for the MS walk.  It’s been a busy year for us, and one where we haven’t let the disease stop us from doing much of what we want to do.

I’ve switched jobs, and am now a consultant.  Especially interesting because I used to joke about them borrowing your watch to tell you what time it was.  It’s interesting work and has me in Denver Mon-Thurs most weeks.

MA is doing very well with the time on her own.  We don’t like being separated, but we have called on friends as necessary (trips to the airport, etc) and have engaged a regular dog walker. The house is on the market, so we should be able to find something where the master is on the main, even if for a while that’s a rented condo in ATL.

The interferon shots continue weekly and remain as unpleasant as ever.  There are some promising drugs on the horizon that do the same thing (slow the progression of the disease) in pill form, but we are never anxious to be the first on a new medication.  There is also an interesting new drug to help with walking, and we hope to be talking about that one before the next annual fund-raising post.

On to the solicitation part.  I will be walking 5K, probably with Sparky on May 15 in Piedmont Park in Atlanta.  It is a very big fundraiser for the National MS Society, and my friends have blessed me each of the last 5 years with very generous donations.  This organization is well run, and is dedicated to finding a cure for this debilitating disease.  I know times are difficult, but we would appreciate whatever you can give.

MS Walk Page (where you can donate on-line)

Cards and letters always welcome.  Tweet us, check us on Facebook, or stop by the place in Atlanta while we’re still there.

Thank you for your support.

Career Transition

19 years ago this month, I was part of a foursome that started Patient Care Technologies.  We spent some time deciding what we were doing, then settled on electronic medical records for home care.  We worked with MEDITECH and had Data General build us a then state-of-the-art handheld device.

We were the first system to do clinical documentation for home care.  Over the years, we transitioned from the original handheld to laptops then to tablet devices.  We switched from DOS to Windows, added a billing module and eventually rewrote the whole system to be process driven - full of business intelligence.  We grew from 4 employees to a high of 175.  Our original funder and long time stategic partner, MEDITECH, acquired us in April of 2007.  As of 12/31/2009, PtCT ceased to exist and we all became MEDITECH employees.

My employment at MEDITECH ended on 1/15/10.  It feels very different to me after being part of the same organization for so many years, but it is time to move to something new.

As of 2/1/2010, I am a Senior Consultant with ACS-HCS.  I will be building a strategic consulting practice, with a focus on homecare.  My first client is the Health at Home department of Centura Health, Colorado's largest health care organization.  I am flying out to Denver early on Monday mornings and flying back home on Thursday nights.  Less than a week in, it's very exciting.

Cousin Val

Kent and Betty's oldest, Val, passed away suddenly on Wednesday night at 56 years old.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to Mandy, Lucy, Eleanor and Nicholas, as well as Betty, Randolph, Amery, Tish and Wright. The obituary at Milward's describes him well.

Here's Val at the Anniversary Party this summer.

His brother-in-law Rich has started an album of shots as well.  He's happy to share electronic or print copies with family who are interested.  I've included the taller picture of Val because I was struck by his hands.  I always think of Val as working and you can see it in the cuts on his fingers.

Mary Anne and I were watching old home movies of the Kent Hollingsworths growing up around Eclipse Place during one of our recent Lexington visits at Tish's house.  Like most home movies, a familiar annual pattern developed with football games, Christmas, swim meets, etc.  The striking thing was that Val was always working.  He was frequently in the background of the shot, sometimes taking a break (especially to play something with little brother Wright) but always happily doing his chores.

I spent one of my Christmas breaks in high school working for Val.  I remember starting early, ignoring the cold and getting a lot done during the days.  I never remember anything but joie de vivre from Val, whether showing me how to avoid a manure caked cow's tail while milking, or loading up hay to take out for feeding.

Mary Anne keeps remembering him dancing at Elizabeth's wedding this summer.  He pulled Mandy out on the floor during some song that most of us would have figured was only for Elizabeth's generation.  He had a golden sunshine of a smile.

We think of Val's namesake, Valentine Hollingsworth, as the first of our family to come to the new World in 1682.  People with good names and strong values have been leading the Hollingsworths for a long time.
 
We don't grieve for Val, we grieve for ourselves.  We will miss him every day, and especially when the whole family gets together.