It’s interesting how little we human beings open up to each other naturally, even within families. As you know, we lost our beloved Liza this summer and the tragedy continues to hurt. As with all pain, we search for the silver linings, the things we know that Liza leaves with us even while we don’t get the joy of being with her directly.
Mary Anne and I spent a week with Dunn and Julie and Jordan a few weeks back. The pain is still palpable over there. Dunn was reading CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed, written after Jack’s wife Joy died. CS Lewis describes losing a loved one as being like an amputation. A grieved person may well learn to walk again, but he will always be a one legged man.
But, back to the search for a silver lining. Dunn and I have not always been as close as we could have been. Brothers, certainly, but not anywhere near best friends. Growing up, I found him pesky, obnoxious and loud. And I'm sure he found me distant, arrogant and plenty of other adjectives. But now, I long to be with him. I enjoy the way he uses the things Uncle Hall taught him to do - the elaborateness and zeal of his household projects. I enjoy that he gave me Cardillo sauce (from one of his employees' brother) for me to make pizza. I enjoy watching him learn about dog training. And I am reminded that he is one of the funniest people I have ever met as well as a fabulous story teller. He's clearly a great lawyer - I've never seen a professional community reach out to someone they truly care about like the SC Bar has around Dunn.
Mary Anne spent the week with the three of them while I worked in Denver. She’s always a beautiful presence. That’s a small blessing of my travel job - I can fly to work from anywhere.
Sam the German Shepard is a ray of light in the house.
Why do we put walls up? I don’t know who Osho is, but he said “Love and Ego cannot exist together". Being a Hollingsworth, I have done the ego thing very well my whole life. ALL Hollingsworths I know have healthy egos, perhaps not easily leaving all the room we should for showing love. Life is busy, and you never expect the tragedy of the loss of an innocent 10 year old girl. Our priorities in an easy life aren’t always the right ones. These horrible times have to help us find and live the right priorities.
The Dalia Lama says: "To the extent that suffering awakens our empathy and causes us to connect with others, it can serve as the basis of compassion and love." We are all suffering now and need to find these connections. We’re all hurt, but we all have to grow. That’s one of Liza’s legacies for me; it's what she would want.
Dunn, my brother: I love you, Man
1 comment:
Very poignant and eloquent.Also, you hit the nail on the head about the Hollingsworth ego, yet they all have hearts of gold.
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