I’ve got weddings on my mind. We were lucky to be part of cousin Lucy Hollingsworth’s nuptials on May 30th. The wedding was at Jay’s down the road. The rehearsal dinner was here at Millstream 2.0
So were the pre-wedding pictures.
Cousin Rich took some great shots that show what a real photographer can do. Nic and the groomsmen wore Val’s ties; we all felt Val's presence though the entire magical weekend.
But mostly as I think about weddings, I’m amazed as I tell the 30+ year old story of MA and me, and our courtship and wedding. Sometimes I share this story with strangers as I travel, and it feels like a fairy tale.
I included the story of Mary Anne’s first hearing of me in TGP’s eulogy. But it deserves the fuller version. When Pha was exploring leaving private practice to join the Navy in 1980, he and Muv had dinner with the Hortons and their 17 year old daughter Mary Anne at a medical convention in Virginia. Mary Anne had recently been introduced to some other Navy brat, so she must not have looked enthusiastic when Pha told her that he had a son about her age. He took note of her reaction and tried to make it seem better for her. He told her, “Don’t worry, you’ll like him. He’s a blind, balding, albino paraplegic”. She had to laugh.
On June 26th, 1980, the D V Hollingsworth clan packed up three cars, three kids (Soph was in Canada with Tish and Gruner), a dog, a cat, and a bunch of houseplants, left Millstream 1.0 and drove all day to South Carolina. I was home for the summer from my Freshman year at Yale. Our first stop was at the Navy Lodge, a Econ-lodge like spot on the base; Pha loved the military perk of hotel rooms for $20 per night. The next morning, Mary Anne came to show us around the base. Her first words to me were to tell me that cut-off shorts were not allowed, so I had to change clothes. She’s been approving my wardrobe ever since. (Though I have recently converted her to the dark side - note her patchwork plaid pants in the rehearsal dinner picture above). She gave a tour to Dunn and Piel and me all around that morning. We ended up at the base pool after lunch and she finally dropped us off at the Navy Lodge late in the afternoon, probably breathing a large sigh of relief.
At TGP’s suggestion, I called her and asked her to join us for pizza that night. Despite being a techie, I have to be glad that caller ID didn’t exist in 1980. We went to the Pizza Inn in North Charleston (I later found out that she chose that place so we wouldn't be seen by any of her friends). I still remember the silent Errol Flynn movies playing at the restaurant. After dinner, I said something like “Let’s drop off these kids, and you can show me the town”. Such a smooth talker. Mary Anne took me out to London’s on Shem Creek and taught me the Shag (a SC dance). As we were leaving later that night, she turned around and grabbed my hand, so as not to lose me in the crowd. I don’t think she knew at that moment that she had sealed her fate.
The whole family went to Anne and Ira’s house the next weekend for spaghetti. I asked Mary Anne out to a movie. (Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back). We went out that next Saturday and again the Saturday after that. Then she went to Europe for her 18th birthday on a family trip. I didn’t get enough details to know when they were returning, so six days after she left, I started calling her home number every day to try to talk to her to set up our next date. Therefore, I connected with her on her first day back and she agreed to go out. Her current boyfriend, who knew when she was coming back from Europe, didn't call until 5 days later. Mary Anne and I went out that weekend, twice the weekend after that, then pretty much all the time. I moved MA into her dorm for freshman year at the College of Charleston. She put her shoes in suitcases so I wouldn't know how pairs of shoes she had.
MA came to visit at me in New Haven in October, and then we had to wait until I came home to Charleston for Thanksgiving to see each other again. It was 9 weeks apart, and that’s the longest we’ve ever been away from each other in 34 years.
After a couple of years of a long distance relationship, we got engaged. I had a family stone, and MA had worked with a downtown Charleston jeweler to get baguettes in a new setting. I picked the ring up on the sly when I came home for Christmas in 1982. As we did most nights after supper while the family lived on Broad street, we walked down to the battery, where “the Cooper and Ashley Rivers meet to form the Atlantic". Standing right at the tip of the peninsula of Charleston, I turned to my love and looked her in the eyes and asked her to marry me. I pulled the ring box out of my pocket and opened it. It was upside down, and gravity worked. Next thing I knew I was watching the most expensive thing I’d ever bought, which I hadn't yet insured, bouncing toward the aforementioned Charleston harbor. I managed to chase it down and stomp on it at least a foot shy of that ring being lost forever. Always the romantic.
Muv threw us a big party, as Emily Post said, “to let the cat out of the bag”. Pha was on his adventure on the Saudi Arabian ship (his only Navy adventure on a boat for any length of time), but we pressed on without him.
When we told brother Tom that we were having the wedding at noon, he thought we said it would be a nude wedding.
For our wedding day, we picked the Saturday between Christmas and New Year’s in 1983, so that we could get our out of town friends to attend. That made December 31 the big day; we never forget our anniversary. Leading up to the festivities, we had all the fun the law would allow in Orangeburg, SC. The morning of the wedding was when Mary Anne’s favorite story ever occurred. The one she would tell if she were ever in the Red Chair on Graham Norton.
Sister Piel was coming up the stairs to the First Baptist church to wait for the ceremony in the vestibule with the rest of the bridesmaids. Her foot caught the inside hem of her bridesmaids dress and pulled it open. She was upset and said “I can’t be in the wedding”. TGP did not have his pocket knife. Mrs. Rheney, the wedding director, was not immediately available. Luckily Muv was around and ready as ever. Thinking quickly on her feet, Muv proceeded to kneel down in front of Piel and gnaw off the hem of the bridesmaids dress until it was even, so Piel could be in the wedding.
While waiting in the narthex with the preacher, Dr. Roy McLean, the organist struck the chime 12 times to set the hour. At about 9 chimes, Dr. McLean leaned over and said “it’s not too late to back out if you want to, son”. I believe he told that to all the guys. We walked out to the center of the church. I've never seen anything more beautiful than Mary Anne coming down the aisle toward me. The ceremony was only about 7 minutes long. Dr. McLean told us to live lives so that when others looked at us, they would call us blessed.
We certainly know that we are blessed and hope that that is what others see in us.
